20

Lydia knew the evening would be lonely and not especially easy for her, she had been preparing for that ever since the news from J. Returning him to his mother, full of ice cream, she had been invited in and had accepted the tea and sympathy on offer.

She had returned to the flat before too long. She was angry, confused, emotional, and hungry. Olga was trying her hardest to be supportive and never actually said “I told you so”, but the silences were awkward and Lydia was tired of putting on a brave face for J.

Now that she was at home Lydia’s face clearly showed the anger and sorrow she was feeling. Her initial anger had been tempered over time, but like a blade tempered by fire the edge had only grown all the sharper.

She had tried to assemble a meal of sorts and the remains were scattered about the kitchen. But she was unable to draw comfort from food, her appetite was simply too poor. No longer did she think of the effect that this loss of appetite would have upon her figure, nothing seemed to matter any more.

Looking about for something to occupy her, she found herself drawn back to the computer in her bedroom which had remained unused since J was last here playing his games. She sat at the screen and fired up the browser. Unable to avoid the homepage, which was set to Anton’s blog she could not avoid noticing that there was now a comment there.

Comments Yes, you should eat humble pie now! There are too many people on the internet who assume false identities and are as fake as snakes misleading other people and causing upset and heartache. Honesty is the most important thing when seeking friendship and/or relationship. Hopefully you have learned your lesson now! DELETE EDIT SEG ON NOVEMBER 24, 2008, AT 07:43 PM

Reading this comment Lydia experienced a strange, almost alchemic, transformation of her emotions. She realised that this was no longer Anton’s blog. That Anton was indeed dead and in fact had never existed. She found herself unable, however to prevent the re-awakening of the protective feelings she had felt for him, but this time directed towards Fred.

It was during this interplay of emotional responses and thoughts that an idea came to Lydia. She felt comfortable writing and so clicked to add a comment of her own. The germ of the idea became more concrete with each word she typed;

Of course, the first comment is quite right. Can you be forgiven for this deception of yours? That is a hard question to answer. I do not know myself, at least not yet. It is my opinion that forgiveness can only be given to those that repent, and repentance can only be recognized truly by a change in a persons actions.

So I may watch you, then I may decide.

You must live with this, and that is no fault of mine but the punishment you deserve for your thoughtless, inconsiderate, and to be blunt, stupid deception. LYDIA DYPCHYK ON NOVEMBER 26, 2008, AT 02:36 AM

Sitting back Lydia realised her anger was flowing through her and hard partially been released in the words she had typed. With this she knew that she would indeed visit the Paradise café tomorrow, and do so alone. But this time she would not be carrying her usual copy of the Times newspaper. Nor would she sit at a table where she could readily be identified as being alone. Instead she would select one which offered a good view of the whole café whilst at the same time not inviting anyone to join her.

There she would sit and wait. She would see the pitiful figure of this Frederick arrive and see how he reacted to finding no one apparently awaiting his arrival. Lydia did not know how this would make her feel and whether it was a wise choice she was making, but she would not consult Olga this time, nor would she enlist her help. This she would do alone and she knew she was strong enough now. Only after seeing Fred arrive and assessing him for herself would she decide what might come next