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Fred woke up. Right away it was there in his mind. His brain tried to ignore it and return to sleep. But it was there… The seed… The thought…. Fred simply felt he had to get up and blog.

Fred had always wanted to write a journal, and now he was creating a blog. Staring at the white space in the box on the screen his mind was wandering, he realised belatedly that writing a blog was quite different from writing a journal – unlike a journal there was every chance that this writing would be discovered and read. Yes, he could “hide” it by making his writing private with the little tick box, but now Fred realised excitedly that he wanted someone to read this.

Frederick Allsop had always disliked his given name. He especially disliked his Christian name and could only bear it abbreviated to Fred, but unfortunately this made him almost anonymous and also led most people to presume he was called Alfred. At which point he would be forced to correct them, which made it all the more painful. There were a number of rhymes he has also suffered as a child and he winced at the thought of them.

As he gazed at his computer screen however he at last saw something positive in his name – he had a title for his Blog. He would, of course, call it “Fred Blogs”. This pleased him more than he cared to admit. On the one hand he would be making use of his given name, and on the other he could both remain anonymous and lead people to assume his “real” name was other than Fred. Fred paused, well then if he was going to allow people to assume his real name was not Fred Blogs, then what name would he give them? He longed for something suave and sophisticated. Nothing too common like “Fred Allsop”. His online blogging persona would be someone with real command of the written word, someone who could with little effort turn their talents to literary creation, but who was for the moment slumming it in the blogosphere.

Fred thought hard. It took time, thinking hard did not come naturally to Frederick Allsop. Perhaps there was a picture of the man from the Black Magic advertisements, clad all in black and jumping to his motor launch. Perhaps the figure of Anton Mosseman was suggested by thinking of chocolates. It is just possible memories were stirred of admired Russian authors. It is quite possible all of these went through Fredericks mind….

But then his face became animated. He sat up straight and adopted the posture of a happy lemur at the table, hands perched over the keys as he began to type the name he seemed to pleased with…. “Anton Fehrnzeit”. Fred Allsop could not imagine a name farther from his own. What is more he noticed happily, the initials were shared but reversed! To his simple mind this was a portent, a sign that the persona of Anton would be entirely separate and almost a polar opposite to his own self. This really pleased Frederick. Frederick Allsop was not a person entirely comfortable with his lot. Nor was he at all satisfied with what he made of his lot. If there was anyone you could say was uncomfortable in their own skin, then perhaps that would have been Frederick Allsop. Fred scratched irritably at his underarm, he knew that if he were really such a man as the Anton Fehrnzeit he would never do such a thing, but then again he also imagined Anton would not be wearing the mixed Rayon/Cotton pyjamas which seemed just a little too small for him. No, Fred felt sure Anton would have a selection of loose fitting linen and never be forced to wear the cheap ones which Fred’s mother had provided for him.

With a grimace Fred returned his thoughts to the matter in hand, he did not want to delay and was determined that his blog should begin now – there has been long enough in his life without action and he was certain Anton would be a man of action. Ferhnzeit would never have sat scratching himself before the computer screen – he would be casually yet rapidly entering words which would pour seemingly effortlessly from his fingers flying over the keyboard to transfer his thoughts by a subtle alchemy from his mind to the screen. An alchemy which Fred hoped that he himself would master, one that would enable him to escape the narrow confines that seemed the lot of anyone born into the world of the Allsops.

The Allsops’ world was a circumscribed one, but the boundaries were nebulous in a microcosmic way. Ever since he had been a very small child Fred knew there was no chance of any holiday “on the continent” as his father referred to it. When he used the phrase “on the continent” one could imagine from his distaste that he were discussing incontinence or something equally distasteful, with a twist to his mouth and a disparaging air for those that were common enough to travel further abroad in their free time than the Allsops did. It was the same when it came to professions that Mr Allsop regarded as “not proper”, which could include seemingly innocuous ones such as architect, confectioner, or photographer. Fred could never decide on his career even for a moment as a child, fearing his fathers disapproval he would flit from choice to choice and never settle on any one in particular, not even for a moment, once his father was appraised of it. By the time he was eight he had learned not to voice any opinion when it came to future careers or job prospects whatsoever. So far as Mr Allsop was concerned Fred would be following in the family tradition and becoming an undertaker, just like Mr Allsop and his own father before him.

But now Fred has other hidden ambitions. He was determined that the blog should be a launching pad for them and this was why on waking it dominated his thoughts so much that he woke without any momentary sleepiness, but eager and ready to “blog”. Not only was he ready to blog, but despite his cheap pyjamas and towelling robe, Fred felt he in fact was Anton Ferhnzeit! No doubt his dreams had been along these lines. So we find Fred as he sets hands to the keys of his beige keyboard:-

Greetings from Fehrnzeit 0 COMMENTS NOVEMBER 7 Hello World! I am sure many of you reading this will know me , or know of me. I am Anton Ferhnzeit and of course with a name like that if you have met me you will not have forgotten me! But then, you would not forget me anyway, would you? I have such a lively, engaging, and frankly quite brilliant mind and such charm and wit combined with my devilish good looks. I know modesty does not become me, you would only detect the false misplaced sentiment behind it if you knew me. So – to those that know me – “Felicitations! You know what to expect and can enjoy my presence in the Blogosphere just as you have in my more mundane, everyday circles” And to those that do not “Greetings! You have come to the right place to be stimulated and amused! I intend to lift the quality of the blogosphere to new heights” How much further should I introduce myself – well I have given this some thought. A picture could be misleading and make you judge me to be vain, so you shall find none. A lengthy description is unlikely to do me justice either. My reputation precedes me if you know me already, making such a thing unnecessary. If you do not know me, then with my charming wit and repartée you soon shall and will be a richer person for it! On to matters more interesting than myself then! Yes there are some, even to me! Of course now that I have deployed my not inconsiderable intellect here I need a subject and a blog post to start this blog rolling. Speaking of which – impress me sufficiently and I shall award you the honour of a space on my blogroll – but for now it is gloriously empty. The subject of the moment is POSSESSION. You may find that a little odd for me, you may have noticed my generous nature. But there is more to possession than that. For example I possess a great deal of self-composure. I believe the Devil posesses the souls of those that do not hold on to their own. And last but not least I have found that when I meet a member of the so called “gentler” sex they invariably seek to “possess” me! Incidentally there is an excellent book of that name by A.S Byatt. I commend it to those readers who have not already enjoyed it. They say that possession is nine tenths of the law, and there’s good reason for that. I say that if we took the observation that “the love of money is the root of all evil” and changed it to the “desire to possess” (for surely if money is anything it is a tool for the purposes of mans’ possession? Of course, myself I am fortunate enough to possess more than ample resources to possess more or less anything I desire (including a member of the fairer sex if I set my mind to it!). But I may surprise you if I tell you that I aspire to relinquish the DESIRE to possess. Certain fundaments I insist that I not only possess but have complete dominion over, these include my wits and my sanity! Certain others I insist upon shunning and have a desire to dispossess, such as trouble and strife (and these are chosen with a view to the Cockney rhyming slang also, since I cherish my bachelor status!). I must leave you for a moment now – my manservant is drawing me a bath and I do so like it to be at the perfect temperature. Please could my fledgling audience consider what they possess and what desires possess them – I shall return when bathed and fed to consider further… Adios! … Returning to my screen after a splendid repast. I find my possession of my senses most necessary! And I am mindful of a poor chap who owes his life to the wonderful RAF emergency service. I just heard on the wireless that he suffered a stroke mid-air and lost his sight! Believe it or not he survived despite being alone. Coming to his senses (sans sight!) the poor chap radioed for help and an RAF crew were scrambled to intercept him at altitude and “talk him down” this they managed to do. The man was heard to grumble that he was concerned his landing was a little bumpy! But he did thank them for saving his life! There is a good tale to end my first blog posting on – so fellow readers of the Blogosphere, retain your senses and relinquish your possessions I say to you! It is clear which has the more value, to me anyway. Until tomorrow – Anton. Fred arched his back and stretched. It felt good now that he had made a blog post and officially introduced himself as Herr Fehrnzeit to the world. It seemed quite in accord with things that Anton should be fully acquainted with women and proud of his bachelor status. Although Fred had never dated a woman since leaving school some twelve years hence, he liked to think this was their loss and not his problem. Like Anton, he was quite proud of his bachelor status. Fred also liked his bath just so, and had interrupted his blog post at the call, not of a manservant, but of Margaret Allsop, his mother, who still ran his baths and checked the temperature was to his liking before cooking the family a full English breakfast.

So it was that as Fred slipped his pink form, still flushed from the bath and from the breakfast which lent an oily sheen to his complexion, out of the beige pyjama set and into his underwear and clothes. Today he selected his favourite polo neck jumper. Unlike his nightwear this was not beige, but a vibrant yellow. With this he selected his brown corduroy trousers, loafers, and a light tweed jacket. Thus attired he felt quite prepared to go out into the world with the knowledge that his alter ego was the suave Anton Fehrnzeit.

Turning to shut down the computer, Fred saw a flashing icon, he had Email. This was not uncommon, but you could see Fred’s eyes light up as he realised this was not his usual Viagra spam – no, someone had already made a comment upon his Blog! Excitedly Fred clicked to the admin panel to check if this was a genuine comment or spam, and saw that it seemed indeed genuine:-

Comments

1. Dear Anton It is a wonderful idea to try and relinquish the desire to possess in this world of greediness. Especially no one should seek to possess another person as it would be like forcing them to live in a cage. SEG DELETE EDIT SEG ON NOVEMBER 8, 2008, AT 03:06 PM